Consent Isn’t Just Sexy, It’s Essential: What It Really Looks Like

Being heard and respected should be the norm, just like hearing people and respecting others should also be a given.

What if you play by these rules, but are still afraid of engaging with people?

When I was dating, men would say they were afraid to talk to women because they didn’t want to be accused of anything. I would always tell them, the best way to know if a woman or anyone else is to ask first before you act. Once they answer, listen and honor their choice. They would just look at me and say nothing. You could tell this never occurred to them.

When we were in kindergarten, we were taught to keep our hands to ourselves, but unfortunately, some adults forget that this teaching still applies to themselves when they get older.

If you are single or in a relationship, does consent matter? Yes! It matters every day, every moment, and every second.

You may be asking yourself these questions:

How can I tell if the person is giving me consent? If they say yes, does that mean yes for everything? Can they say yes and change their mind? Do I need to respect them even if I really want to engage in activity? Let’s learn the answer to each question.

How can I tell if the person is giving me consent?-

When you asked them, did they say yes? How did they say yes? Was it enthusiastic? Was there a long pause? Was it quiet and/or given with pressure? Did they sound uncertain or scared? A yes does not always mean yes. Some people were taught to please others at the expense of themselves. Some people get anxious about disagreeing with others and don’t want the other person’s reaction when they say no. Some people may feel they are not sexy or fun enough if they say no.

If they say yes, does that mean yes for everything?-

No, it does not mean yes for everything. It means yes for what they said yes to. It is not blanketed yes for all activity.

Can they say yes and change their mind?-

Yes, anyone can change their mind at anytime. No one should be pressured to keep saying yes.

Do I need to respect them even if I really want to engage in activity?-

Yes, yes, yes!!! It’s not up to you to decide what happens to them. If they say no, no means no. It is their body, it is their choice. No means no.

This is a basic guide of consent and how to respect a person. If you would have other questions regarding consent, reach out and I’d love to answer them.