Religion and Sex: How to Make Sense of It
This article is for people who grew up in an oppressive religion and have decided to have a different life than their parents envisioned for them. Maybe you just decided not to go to church anymore or have not gone in years or decades. Whatever your decision is when it comes to religion, for many of us, religion left us scars.
One of those scars is how we view sex. I grew up in a very religious household and that had serious consequences on how I viewed my own sexuality. I’ve always been a sexual person and felt ashamed for most of my years growing up. They condemned masturbation, sex before marriage, certain sexual acts between married couples, and anything where a person was not considered “straight.“ They even brought in scriptures from the Bible that said the husband owned the wife’s body and he could do whatever he wants because it was no longer hers. Everyone’s religious experience is different. I am just sharing mine.
Knowing what I know now, I realize none of the teachings they gave were healthy. Self pleasure is not a bad thing, for most of us, that helps us when we decide to have sex with other people. It helps us realize what we like and don’t like and it is an expression of self love. If you choose not to masturbate, that is ok too. No one should have control over what you decide to do.
Everyone has their own views of sex and when they should and shouldn’t have sex. I am not here to tell you when to have sex, that’s for you and only for you to decide. What I will say, is that if you choose to have sex before marriage, you are not a bad person. Growing up, I always knew that I was never going to wait for marriage and dreaded the day when my family found out. What I failed to realize is that if people withdraw love from people because they can’t control them, was the relationship really real?
The type of sex people choose to have is for those people involved to decide. Everyone has different kinks and desires. As long as it is consensual and age appropriate, it is only for those individuals to decide what they will do.
You and only you are in charge of your body, not your parents, not your doctors, and not your spouse or partner. If you say no- then no means no. It does not mean, let’s discuss it, or let me make you feel guilty, it means no.
Sex is a part of life and how you choose to view or engage in it is up to you. If you are struggling with religion and how it has affected your view of yourself and sex, I suggest finding what you think and feel and tearing down the shame and stigma you were taught. Getting professional help to do this might be a good idea. Just make sure you choose a professional that is open minded and has knowledge of what you want to discuss.
This is a serious topic and this article lightly touches some of the pain points that you may have experienced. This article is not meant to tell you how to feel, but to let you know that you are not alone and the side effects you may have from your upbringing do not have to be a permanent feeling.
