Becoming Yourself Without Needing Approval

Did you grow up in an oppressive religion and were told over and over again the rules you needed to abide by? That if you went against the rules, bad things would happen? Well, I see you, and I understand that the religious programming we grew up with can be hard to shake. Sometimes, when you least expect it, a visual or a song will pop into your head. It can feel uncomfortable, or maybe even positive. Even if you don’t agree with the religion you grew up in, it does not mean it was all bad memories. It’s ok to feel what you feel when those memories resurface. Practicing self-care and recognizing that you are not in the same position anymore can help ease the uncomfortable feelings you might be having.

If you were like me, you were told what you could and could not do, and if you were like me, you rebelled quite a bit, and punishments were always followed by the rebellion the adults in your life found out about. Being a girl increased the number of rules that I had. I watched the boys being chosen to be the next big thing, while I was told how to keep myself moral and pure. This is what I used to call my holy jail cell. Because it felt that I was contained and could not be released from the metaphorical jail I lived in day and night.

What happens when you realize that you don’t need approval from your parents, religious leaders, and your community to do and think what you want? Well, that is the key to the cell, and it is up to you if you want to use the key or not. If you choose to use the key, it can be scary to step outside into this unknown world with unlimited possibilities. Maybe even overwhelming. This is not a race. You can go as slow or as fast as you want to. You might even feel like you have to ask someone if it ok to think or do this? You might wonder if it makes you a “bad” person? Remember, you are in control of yourself; it is for no one to say if you are being appropriate or not.

So, how do you become yourself without needing approval? One step at a time. Maybe try something new. For example, maybe you were told not to wear certain clothes. The first time I bought a sexy bra and a low-cut shirt, I felt scared, liberated, daunted, and nerve-wracked. The first time I dared to walk out the door with that bra and shirt on felt like I was doing something bad, as well as feeling tantalized. Questions like what if I run into someone from my past? Will someone find out, and will there be a fallout? were rushing through my brain.

Maybe that feels like that’s too much of a first step, well, let me tell you a secret, it was for me too. I started by trying on a low-cut shirt or a shirt that showed my stomach when I was buying my usual clothes. I used to put it on and see what I could look like, what I secretly wanted to look like, but was scared to. I would wear the shirt in the dressing room and just sit there with the mixed emotions that I was feeling. I even took a picture of myself in that black strappy top that looked amazing on me, just so I could take a break from my cell and see the person I wanted to be, but was scared to be.

My experience might not be your experience, and that’s ok. Do what works for you! Everyone reading this blog will align differently with the steps I took, and that’s ok. If you want to be slower or faster, that is up to you and only you.

When uncomfortable feelings come up as you try new things, that’s ok too. Practicing self-care is important. Seeing what your new reality is and if it works for you is vital. The person you need approval from is you and you alone. If you feel like you are doing something bad, take a step back and look at the facts. When I wore my lace push-up bra and a low-cut top, I felt like I was doing something that I shouldn’t. However, when I stepped back and looked at the facts, I realized I wasn’t doing anything wrong. For the first time in my wardrobe choices, I was choosing me, and how is that a bad thing?!

When you sit in the uncomfortableness of the situation and see if you want to continue or not the feelings of uncomfortability will become easier and soon if you choose it is right for you, it will feel mundane and you might even look back in your life and think that you should have done it sooner or remember that it used to be scary then but now you call it a regular Tuesday for you.

Have any questions or need some encouragement? Contact me, and I will be happy to connect with you!